sweet girl sex

The first thing I do the moment I board the ship is wander over to the first bar I see and order a Sex on the Beach. As I bring this pink concoction back to our table, my wife manages the difficult task of simultaneously rolling her eyes and staring daggers.

"If I'm going to do this cruise thing, I need to get into character," I inform her. You know, for that article I'm writing where I write about our Caribbean cruise vacation through the prism of eight cocktails. She reminds me that I'm an adult man ordering a drink called "Sex on the Beach." She has to be seen with that adult man sipping that drink. We're on our slightly belated honeymoon—our marriage is at our most fragile and my alcoholic beverage choices matter. 

All around us, our fellow tourists get a feel for the ship. Having just survived U.S. Customs, some are exhausted and also in search of booze. Others simply want a place to sit down. You can tell the vacation veterans from the newbies because they don't have any suitcases on hand. They've signed up for whatever clandestine program allowed them early access.

What kind of cruise is this? Well, I won't name any names, but I will say it's the kind of cruise that a freelance writer and a university employee can afford. Nice, but not too nice. "We're on the McDonalds of cruise lines," my wife cracks, which is tough but fair.

I finish my Sex on the Beach. Over the following week, I will experience my fair share of fruity, boozy drinks; but this one, to my wife's ongoing chagrin, is a favorite. It's hard to argue with cranberry, orange juice and peach flavors, especially when there's flavorless vodka involved. My vacation, my honeymoon, and my diary of alcoholic beverages are all off to a solid start.

We soon accept two glasses of bullshit juice-sans-liqour from a wandering waiter, which serve as a helpful reminder to keep my cocktail expectations in check. And then the boat starts moving. And then I get seasick. And then I have to stop drinking so I can crawl into bed and bury my face in the pillow until the world stops spinning.sources